Wednesday, July 20, 2016

The Uncontrolled Chaos and Mom Guilt

As per 2016 pattern, it was Lucy's turn to visit the emergency room this month. I'm almost certain that I will be receiving a call from child protective services regarding the frequency of our family's emergency room visits. Emersons birth had us at the hospital in April, my unknown (out of the blue) heart failure symptoms landed my 5 day postpartum butt in the ER in May (I'll spare you the catheter story), Addy went all Steve Irwin and got attacked by an animal in June, and Lucy found a way to split open the back of her head at the playground.
With the last two being accidents, I've experienced a lot of mom-guilt. A lot of "shoulda, coulda, woulda" phrases floating though my head. Along with this guilt, came the nonverbal mom shame from the perfectly dressed helicopter parent at the park that instantly scooped my fallen toddler from the sandbox when she fell the other day and helped her walk towards me before I could run over to her. It was so brief, but so palpable. The "where were you?" look that somehow created a hierarchy of parenting fitness. Because I was holding my newborn in the shade of a tree drinking my coffee that had been poured three hours prior and having adult conversation with a friend instead of lifting my child in and out of the sandbox and catching her at the bottom of the slide a bazillion times, each time pretending it was the coolest thing she had done yet, that I was a terrible mother.
I carried my giant little teddy bear Lu back to the blanket spread out in the shade preparing to cuddle and comfort her for about a minute until my little bruiser returned to play, a little tougher, a little smarter, a little more agile around the sandbox. But I suddenly felt blood and realized the back of her little head was split open and her pretty hair was damp with blood. We quickly decided to take her to the ER and packed up to the shameful stare of this helicopter 30 yards away.
We got to the hospital with a toddler who was over this injury thing and ready to play. Two hours later, they ended up putting a staple in to close the wound and sent us on our way.
But then it all started again; the "I should have been right there" feelings and guilt. Because of a stranger at a park.
I think this mom-shaming thing has gotten out of hand. I flip through social media, read news articles, and see countless stories about children getting hurt. The thing that is becoming so common is the comments on all of these stories: "Where was that child's mother?" "That kid's mom should go to jail." "That's negligence!"
Here's the thing: kids are like magnets for getting hurt and they really really suck at listening. Like, seriously, they're worse than husbands at listening. Can we all just take this in for a minute? Kids fall. Kids don't listen.
Are there perfect children with perfect parents out there avoiding injury at all cost and obeying with delight when told not to climb higher than the first ladder rung? Maybe. Kudos to them. But maybe instead of judging the world full of parents and children, we can all offer up a truce. Focus this energy elsewhere...like teaching our kids to be adventurous, kind and understanding. Perhaps we can focus more on giving that mom at the grocery store with three screaming children an air high five and less on making comments as to how loud her children are. Or help that sweet mom whose son just knocked over a display of wheat thins while joyfully entertaining his baby sister in the cart instead of muttering "Ugh! Now all the boxes are dented." Or tell that mom wearing her twin babies at the zoo while wrangling the niece she watches three times a week while her sister in law works that she's AWESOME.
I think there's so much more we can do to build up the women and people raising the next generation of presidents, doctors, artists and visionaries that there just really isn't time for this blame-gaming mom-shaming nonsense that the media is all too happy to exploit.
Let's take today and tomorrow and probably the rest of the days too, to reach out and compliment a mom you see doing good things. No, seriously, think of someone. Text, call, write on their Facebook wall. Like right now.
Let's get our mom game "on fleek" because I think we deserve it. And because the world needs some problem solvers.
Drop the mic.
xo,
Ashelyn

Wednesday, June 15, 2016

Dear Daugher

Dear Daughter,

I know it's not easy being the only girl on the field.
Those boys will never pass to you. They won't share their jokes. And they won't give you high fives for scoring all of their goals for them. You'll kick their their little butts, hurt their pride, and make them cry. They'll run to their mommies with their damaged egos. "Girls can't play soccer," they'll complain. Their moms will look over to you, little girl, in your blonde little bun that so resembles the one that I've worn too many times and tell their sons "be nice and share the ball with the girl too." Which, is a great response for the playground, but not here. Not on the field where so many girls and women have sweat, bled and cried to prove what we're made of. Where we've crawled and been carried off for having so much passion. Where we chose to be on Friday nights instead of with friends. Where we found ourselves while missing classes, school dances, jobs and family weddings. Where our muscles grew rapidly, outgrowing any trend or fashion we had finally attained (I'm talking about skinny jeans and thunder thighs). Stretch marks far before you were ever a thought to my body, sweet child. 

Daughter, we've worked too hard for boys to think they need to "play nice".
The thing these boys need to know, is that you're not a girl out there. You're their teammate. And it's your job to teach them to respect their teammates and the game and to play until the lights go off, the whistle blows, or your momma calls you home.

Love,

Your Thunder Thighed, Ponytail Wearing, Scarred and Sun Damaged Mommy

Ps, wear your sunscreen!

Wednesday, May 18, 2016

Six Months Later...

Well, I guess we can go ahead and mark my New Years resolution to post monthly as a FAIL... I had great intentions, truly, but found myself making lists, chasing children, or needing to clean something every time I had a great idea!
Then, to make things crazier, Baby #3 entered the playing field and totally jumbled our starting line up. Don't worry though, I firmly intend to GET. THIS. DOWN.
So, I was pregnant. Then Emerson (some of you may know her as "Arlow Fabric Max Spot Lucinda-The-Little-Witch") was born. Things went well. The big sisters really are quite smitten with "their baby" and have proven pretty helpful, thusfar.
The biggest question I've heard in the last three weeks, is "So, how's life with three now?" Well, my usual answer is something along the lines of "Great, with the exception of the sass-squatch 3 year old that rules the house" (give or take some adjectives and nicknames). But really, what I want to say, is "HOW THE FREAK DO PEOPLE EVER GET NORMAL PICTURES!?" I think it's safe to say, that my children's photo albums (if I ever get around to, you know, making them..) will be a slur of ridiculous photos of each of them looking in different directions, crying, or holding their hands over their faces. Or a combination of all of those. I've decided to just "go with it" because, well, what else can I do about it? And, what better way to showcase their personalities for their future selves when they ask me what they were like when they were little?
Well, I'll leave you with this gem of a photo for now:

I hope to write again before Christmas, but if not, I'll see you all in 2017! Just kidding...I mean June. It's going to happen, I promise.

And now you're up with the Downs.

xo,
Ash

Tuesday, November 24, 2015

Merry Christmas!

Dear Friends and Family,

Hopefully, you enjoyed this year's (and last year's!) Christmas card! Feel free to just throw them both up on the refrigerator and pretend like you loved last year's soooo much that you've left it up all year long. Just pretend we weren't busy with a newborn and toddler and that I took the time to address and stamp the envelopes...

In attempts to save paper and to just be better at keeping the world up with the Downs family, I have started this blog to keep you all in the loop with our lives! If you subscribe to the blog, you can get emails when we post or, you can just check in every so often to get the scoop!

Now, onto the "good stuff"!

As 2015 comes to an end, I'm forced to admit how quickly it flew by...even though, most days, it seems as though bedtime can't come soon enough!
May marked the one year anniversary of living in our new house which, let me tell you, has been an adventure! We feel so blessed to have this home-in-the-making and wouldn't take back a day of un-airconditioned summer heat, bathroom renovations, or falling fences.

Addalyn began dance earlier this year and has redeemed her mother's gracelessness. While she loves to dance, her real passions are books, dinosaurs, Legos, and playing dress up... they totally go together, don't they? Something that I admire most about her, though, is her love for her little sister whom she has recently nicknamed "LuBerry". The two are inseparable and spend most of their days playing princesses, building towers, pretending to read to each other, and causing trouble! They are so excited to share a bedroom once their little sister arrives!

Lucille, my ever-grinning baby, is not such a baby anymore. Since her 1st birthday, she's perfected her walking, discovered her voice, and taken up interest in playing alongside her sister while quickly outgrowing any and all clothes that come her way. Her hair may not quite be a vibrant orange hue, but her humor and personality certainly live up to their namesake! This feisty and comical Lucy knows just how to keep us laughing. We sure love watching her turn into a little girl and the way that she looks up to her big sister. She is, after all, a big sister in training and takes plenty of notes!

We had the opportunity to travel home to North Dakota this summer and loved getting to spend time with family. Taking our time on the drive, we stopped at Bear World, Salem Sue and the side of I-90 in Montana as I was issued a warning for speeding...oops! We returned home just in time for Nic to pack up and ship out for a month long training in Ft. Irwin, California. While he was "living the dream", as he often says, the girls and I were up to projects around the house and kept ourselves busy with multi-weekly trips to the zoo, peanut butter "sandwicks", and lots of time at the playground! We enjoyed our girl time, but were definitely ready for daddy to get home at the end of July (even with his terrible mustache!)

If you somehow missed the extra little person in our card this year, or the hints in this letter, we are indeed expecting baby #3! And keeping with Braun tradition, ITS ANOTHER GIRL! We were quite surprised to learn this, as this pregnancy has been just about opposite from the other two! We had assumed that the absence of nausea meant "boy", but "boy" were we wrong!

We look forward to the coming year and the new life that it will bring as well as to continuing to post here with life updates! 

Wishing you a very merry Christmas.

Love,
Nicolas, Ashelyn, Addalyn, Lucille, and Baby